I’m really out of it right now… sitting in bed(wireless is nice), looking at the clock reading 12:26, sitting next to my Bible and guitar… ok, a few guitars are within my field of vision currently. Everybody is sleeping right now in the Harmer household… but not me, my mind is awake with thoughts about just about everything. This happens often… so, what better time to write an entry?
Well… I’ll make it as short as I can, but you all know I’m not very good at that. I have been thinking about relationships lately, dating, courting, whatever you call it… I have been thinking about the reasons why we are told to wait, and be careful. And believe me, I’m a big believer in waiting and being careful… in fact, you could call me an active proponent of it, having seen and experienced the hurt and pain it can cause when you don’t. But I think sometimes we aren’t given very good reasons to wait, and be careful… or rather, some very significant reasons to wait are neglected when Christians talk about relationships.
There is a verse in Song of Solomon that says “Do not awaken love until it’s time.” And I have always thought of it as, “Don’t let the feelings develop too early cause it’s too hard to fight the temptations when they get really strong.” There is a lot of wisdom in that, and it’s true… when you awaken love before it’s time, or at any time for that matter… the feelings are hard to fight, you naturally want to be with the person, and it’s not easy to constrain those desires and not do certain things before marriage. But there is another angle to this verse that can be missed when we only focus on that part.
God is working on each and every one of us, and there is a certain point of maturity He wants to get us to before bringing us to the person He has for us. Now, when people meet and are all like “Wow!! This person is PERFECT!! It must be who God has for me!!”, and then they rush into a relationship with each other it can be disastrous if God is still working on them… because the general purpose of dating and courtship is supposed to be to ask the question “Should we be married?” “Do we fit?” “Are you ‘the one’?” And maybe you will come to the wrong conclusion if God is not done working on the person and didn’t quite prepare them… you know what I mean? I have friends who thought they heard from God about someone… they were really convinced, and prayed with the person about it and talked, talked to their parents and pastor etc…. and started the relationship and came to the conclusion that they must not have heard from God, they just “don’t fit.” Maybe what happened was they did hear from God about who it was, but maybe they didn’t hear another part… the part that we like to ignore, you know… “wait” Because maybe they weren’t supposed to start the relationship so soon? Maybe God had some things to chip away from both of them to make them “fit”? Many of these individuals were given council from friends and their Pastors to “wait” and they thought “If I know God said she or he is the one, why do I need to wait to start the relationship?” And the rest is history I guess…. it’s sad. I hate the “what could have been” scenarios that plague our generation, with many things. If we take the time to do things the way God says, maybe we won’t have them?
And I know it’s not all as easy as I’m making it sound… and some of you are probably thinking “It’s not like that… you’re so unrealistic.” And maybe I am? But you know, maybe you are wrong? Maybe God’s plan is not for heartbreak? Maybe God only wants you to love one individual, maybe he’s not a big fan of “trying people on.” There are a lot of questions that can be answered regarding “compatibility” while staying single… I think the truth is, we just want a relationship and use “answering those questions” as an excuse to feed our flesh. I know I have, and people have told me that they have. If what I’m writing offends you I’m sorry, I’m not trying to… I’m just trying to ask some genuine questions. Maybe I’m too tired to write this late? I just hope people aren’t making the mistake of awakening love before it’s time… cause I have done it, and it led to a hard lesson.
I’m tired… I’m going to sleep now.
-James’
James,
You are such a very insightful young man. This is an excellent post not only for your generation, but for the older generation as well who are looking for that special someone. God has lead your heart through this post and I’m proud of who you are and what morals you stand for through God’s Word. Thank you Lord for such a fine young man. Thank you Lord for creating this individual to be such a shining example for others.
Blessings,
Nancy C.
I agree that waiting on God’s timing and leading is important. Listening to your parents and pastors is critical to determine that leading.
But, one teensy word of caution … don’t expect to be perfect, or to find the perfect mate. God uses our imperfections as well as our strengths to teach us to depend on others and on Him.
Marriage is about working out unity within the imperfections of humanity. Even if God very clearly brings you together, and it’s His timing, marriage is still difficult. Especially at the start.
Just ask my wife!
Ha ha, yes I definitely believe that… even though I’m not married, my parents have made that clear. I also think an important reason to wait until you are ready is because it IS hard!
I just think there is a place God wants to get each person while they are still single before bringing us to the person He has for us… and many times we don’t want to wait.
But also, I’m aware that God may use the other person He brings into our lives to help bring us to that place. I was probably a bit too tired when I wrote this entry, but I think I got the majority of what I wanted to say across… I hope so.
But thanks Harvey and Nancy for the comments, I never knew that you guys read this!!
-James’
James,
Its so so weird how over the course of the past little bit ive been thinking, why do i feel that i need a relationship, why do i feel as if i need someone of flesh to love me, when God already loves me, the thing is i dont, maybe one day, but not now, yes we do need to mature in God and wait, maybe that person is the person that God has for you, but its just not time that the person is set there for you. Or myabe that person is the one your meant to be with, your only setting your self up for heart break if u go into a relationship thats not meant to be, and thats not for that time. I read this blog entry, went through it very slowly, and i came to my conclusion, WAIT! im not mature enougph, God hasnt fully redied me, and if i have feelings for someone they may not be the feelings i think they are, or maybe they are but there not meant to be used at that time. therefor i thank you
love Tiana
Thanks Tiana!
I’m glad to hear from you, and it’s great that God is showing you these things. It’s hard to wait in todays culture for anything, let alone a relationship!
-James’